Lonely

She waited all day for the night to come. Because sleep was the easiest way to escape the truth of what Eunice’s life had become. Now and then, the voices in her head kept screaming, “how did I honestly get here?”. The last time she checked, it was a difficult task getting married because there were so many suitors. But there she was, settling for the barest minimum.

A clap of thunder brought her mind back to the present. She got up sluggishly, pulling her hands away from the kitchen slab which she had held on to while she slept. The beans porridge she settled to have for dinner was already stone-cold, and she lost her appetite already. The baby tied to her back soon started crying, so she got up and pace around attempting to pacify him. Suddenly, she felt a watery substance touch her back and after which an odour followed. Her son, Chima had vomited again.

Then she looked up and saw her mother-in-law, Ego, who leaned on the kitchen door with arms folded, eyebrows furrowed said, and whose eyes spat fire.

“Maybe if you try giving him breast milk, then he won't be vomiting everywhere”. She said.

“How long have you been standing there?” Eunice muttered, not caring if Ego heard her.

“Long enough to see how absent-minded you were for so long” she paused and shook her head.

“Eunice, are you sure you are okay? I would have easily poisoned the food on your plate without you noticing. I don't like this new person you have become”. Ego said as she reached out for Baby Chima, untieing him from his mother’s back and moving towards the skin to rinse his mouth.

“We just have to stick to giving him the formula for now”. Eunice said, endeavouring to sound dismissive.

“What do you mean by that? Eh, Eunice!?!” her mother-in-law barked.

“My breasts are still sore, and it hurts whenever I try to feed him”

Ego let out a long hiss and shook her head.

“ Oburo so so formula! Mathematics ka dikwa! I am now convinced that you are not okay up there. If your mother has breastfed you properly and full time, then you would not be saying rubbish. Because it is lack of common sense that is making you talk like this! Ibu nno onye nzuzu” she said. She always spoke as though each sentence ended in an exclamation mark.

Eunice felt her head spin as she staggered back, holding on to the kitchen slab. Then she ran into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind her. Collapsing on the bathroom floor, she let out a scream and hot tears cascaded down her face. She sat there for hours, howling and crying like a wounded animal.

Then, she decided to take a shower. With grit teeth, she stood under the shower, subjecting herself to the spray of cold water as some sort of penance, wishing it would be enough to wash away everything her life had become.

But it didn't.

Once out of the shower, a knock came at the door. She knew it was her husband, Chike.

“Baby can we talk?”

He got no response and accepted that it was going to be a one-way conversation.

“Listen. Mama didn't mean any of what she said. She feels remorse and won’t speak of you that way again”. And this he knew, was a lie. But a white lie won’t curse any harm right?

“I understand that the baby might be giving you a hard time but…” He paused when the door cracked open.

“She needs to go,” Eunice said with her eyes bloodshot.

“My mum?”

“Your mum”

“But you know we need help with Chima”

“I can take care of my child”

Chike scoffed. “Can you?”

“What do you mean by that?” Eunice asked as she glared at Chike. She felt her blood boiling again in anger.

“Let’s not act like we don't know what is going on. Eunice, we had a baby together, but you barely touch him”

“He never bonds with me!” she screamed as fresh tears streamed down her face.

“What?”

“It gets so easy with you or mama. The other day, he kept on crying and fussing like a bat out of hell. The minute he was in your arms, he was cool like a cucumber. I try everything I do to pacify him but I get zero credits for it. Nobody understands me”. She said amidst tears.

Chike gave a light smile and shook his head.

“The first day he was born I held him in my arms and it has always been like that”.

“He was in my womb for 39 weeks if that accounts for something!”

“This is not a competition, Eunice”.

A few minutes of awkward silences passed before Chike moved closer to her, grabbing her by the shoulders and peering into her eyes. It broke him seeing his wife dishevelled and hearing her talk like that.

“This is not fair,” Eunice said repeatedly as she shook her head and sobbed in her husband’s arms.

“I just want to be a normal mum” she said and this time, her throat jerked, and her head moved too involuntarily, due to excess tears.

“It’s okay. The child is going to bring so much light to your life, and you have to be present for it”. He said and kissed the peck of her shoulder.

“We could go for therapy,” He said and paused, waiting for an objection, but there was none.

“Whenever you are ready,” he said and kissed her again, letting her soak his t-shirt with tears.

Benecca’s Tales

2022

Photo Credit : @wajethevoice via Instagram.

AUTHOR’S NOTE

Phew! First story in 2022 finally!

It has also been my pleasure to write a story about post-partum depression just to give my readers a sneak peek of what it looks like.

Postpartum depression is real and very common among new mothers. I have no idea what it feels like but Eunice took me through a lot of emotions while writing this.

I hope you enjoyed reading and please let me know what to think of in the comments. I love hearing from you!

N:B - All characters in this story are virtual and are only products of my imagination.

This story is inspired by the song, “No woman no cry” by Boney-M.